I don’t like to cry in front of people, including my kids. I’ve always been like this, and of course there are times I can’t control it like when I watch something sad on the big screen.
When we watch a movie or show that is emotional, I do all I can to hold in my grief. Yesterday, we went to the theater to watch Spider-Man No Way Home, and I won’t spoil the movie, but there were some moments when I wanted to cry. (Pretty much all the Marvel movies will do that if you’re into it.)
Others in the theater were crying with no qualms about strangers seeing them, but I stopped my breathing and gently turned my head from left to right to collect the tears that wanted to spill.
Maybe it’s growing up with brothers and believing it’s a sign of weakness or maybe it’s just my personality, but it can be debilitating, and I don’t know why it’s so important to me to stop the tears. One thing’s for sure, though, it’s becoming tougher to hide it, like on Christmas.
The boys are the sweetest, most giving people, and they, as always, were generous and thoughtful with their gifts this year. It’s about the look on their faces when they hand over a present, like when they were little kids, so excited and completely selfless in their giving.
Maybe it’s because we missed our in-person visit last year, because we’re finally home in North Carolina, or because I’m becoming a huge sap, but I let myself have emotions this Christmas, and I wish I could practice making it a less-weird thing when Mom cries. I’m going to try, I really am.