543 Day Writing Journey

Roger Annoyed Me. Day 138.

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They say time heals all wounds, but it’s not true. My Nana has been gone since 1993 and I still miss her terribly. All of my past personal losses still and always will suck. Time does, however, offer you devices and tricks to cope with the grief, and I’ve seen the results of one specific tool lately.

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, we’ve been playing cards quite often recently, and I have been sucked back in by my previous addiction. I love the feel of the cards and the simplicity of the colors and numbers. When the boys and I don’t play together, I will throw out a hand of solitaire while I’m cooking dinner or having my morning coffee. Cards are complemented nicely by a hot cup of tea with honey or a glass of tangy merlot, and buttered popcorn frequently adorns our table when we play.

Yesterday, Baylee won a game of pitch, and he’s an insufferable winner. INSUFFERABLE.

“You’re just like Dad,” I said to him as he boasted. He smiled thinking it was a compliment. I simply shook my head as I stared him down.

I also texted Sherry, Roger’s sister and said, “Baylee is just like Roger when he wins at cards.”

She knew what I was talking about, and that I was not giving Baylee praise.

It feels so good to complain about Roger, talk about him in real ways, and not like he’s a god. He was my human, flawed husband, and that’s why I loved him so much, but when he won at cards, he was no fun. He was boisterous, so very loud, and also the most handsome when I liked him the least.

Voicing complaints about Roger after many years does two things to me: It offers me a brand-new package of material I can give to the kids, stories I can tell them, but it also makes me miss him more, though, the human Roger, my beautifully imperfect husband.

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