543 Day Writing Journey

Gold Star Spouse Day 2022. Day 210.

I miss:

  • Ordering two large grinders, one ham and provolone, one steak and cheese, and trading halves with each other
  • Homecomings. We had many deployments, but one less homecoming.
  • Listening to you sing in the shower, and the way you always needed lots and lots of bubbles on your loofa or you wouldn’t be considered clean
  • Planning trips and holidays and futures
  • You snoring so loudly I would rock you back and forth until you said, “What?” and I said, “You’re snoring,” and you said, “No, I’m not.”
  • Making you food, especially a sandwich, because you always loved it except the times I left the cheese wrapper on it to trick you
  • Celebrating your birthday
  • Being mad at you about things like goofing around with the boys when I was trying to be serious, or that time I saw a picture of you with a giant wad of dip stuffed into your cheek
  • Talking to someone who loved the kids as much as I do
  • Making a fingerprint in the soft white Wonder Bread of your sandwich every time
  • Waking from a bad dream and you’re still alive, ready to hear me talk about it
  • Asking you why you’re still smoking just so you can say you’re not
  • Wrapping presents
  • Sunday mornings with giant, heavy cups of sweet coffee, pancakes, bacon, and a wicked huge newspaper that we paid $1.25 for
  • The boys remembering everything about you, or even just you
  • Your big feet
  • Your perfect skin and how you would always put your arm up to mine like you were better because you tanned and I burned
  • Talking about you in present tense
  • Dressing fancy for the USMC ball and even conceiving a child after one of them
  • Your love for Dr. Pepper even though it annoyed me
  • Hearing you and Tyler argue over video games too late at night
  • You changing their diapers, giving me orange peanut butter crackers and water, and getting them ready to nurse in the middle of the night
  • You “staying awake” so we would know when a tornado was about to hit
  • Camping with you
  • Planning for camping
  • Talking about you for an extensive amount of time without having to violently shake my head to stop myself from crying
  • Seeing you in uniform, any kind
  • Watching how happy fighting fire made you
  • Trying to pick a fight so you would actually argue with me
  • Seeing how natural you were holding a newborn
  • How you never called Baylee by his birth name, but only by Baby Doo
  • Your love for animals and how you never complained, even when you had to clean up Annie’s mess from being in heat.
  • You almost missing Max’s birth because you just had to get a soda
  • People not feeling sorry for me
  • How you loved your sister
  • USMC 96’s when we had nothing planned and the weather was yuck
  • Feeling safe, like really safe
  • The way you looked at me especially when I felt ugly and still had so much baby weight
  • Your love for the Christmas village
  • Swimming with you, especially when the boys were asleep
  • You donating plasma for ninety bucks so Max could have a really great birthday
  • You not being a tough guy
  • How Baylee wanted you and not me
  • Writing paper letters to you and getting some back even though you didn’t love writing
  • Your crinkle cut fries you cooked in so much oil
  • Never wondering if you were all-in, ever
  • Our talks about going to the diner when we got old and being regulars who make friends with other regulars
  • Not feeling guilty for having a good day and laughing
  • When you sat up in bed, naked, reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting telling me I’m not actually in labor
  • How you called the kids weird names like Samowenowens
  • You

2 thoughts on “Gold Star Spouse Day 2022. Day 210.”

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