Working is new to me. Maybe that’s why I love it so much. Because I stayed home all those years to raise the boys, I do have moments when I feel I need to prove myself, moments of insecurity in the professional world.
I do feel like an imposter and I often say to myself, “Who do you think you are?” It’s beginning to feel more natural, however, but it’s not yet complemented by the similar confidence I have when I’m keeping the house or creating in the kitchen.
“Take breaks, remember,” Baylee just said to me as I was hunched over my laptop. I do take breaks, but not to sit under a shade tree to read or to watch an episode of The Office. I take breaks to grocery shop, fold a load or two of towels, or my favorite, to bake bread. Keeping a home, gardening, and creating food for my family is where I am most comfortable and confident, where I’m me.
Whether it’s experience, familiarity, or just my spirit, I’m unsure. It’s my element, but it’s not the only place I will succeed. It’s just the easiest place I will succeed.
I’m learning to embrace the suck. I force myself to, once in awhile, pop little sections of that protective bubble just enough to not lose too much air, but enough to crawl out of when I feel I am worthy.