543 Day Writing Journey

My Roger Maze. Day 437.

Yesterday, I spoke of the documentary, Stutz, and how I am using some of the magnificent tools I learned from it to ease my moods. The handiest of the handful of them, to me, is the maze, and I have several.

The one I will focus on today is the maze I will call “What Would Life have Been Like if Roger Did Not Die?” I find myself, still, after all these years, going beyond simple fantasy, surpassing a fun little thought and becoming consumed and debilitated by the impossibilities of it. The minute details stretch out in my fantastical mind to the point of anticipation and excitement, then I become depressed. Details like; Would his hair have been gray, or would he have liked the chickens. Silly, maybe, but there are millions. Millions.

Amanda Richards explains the maze in her Netflix Deep Dive article “Want to Change Your Life? Start with Stutz’s Tools from Jonah Hill’s Therapist” which you can access HERE. She explains, “It’s the visualization of a futile quest for fairness and reason that keeps you stuck in the past and puts your life on hold as you cling to anger and resentment.” My Roger maze is not the only one I’m stuck in, and I am confident this will work with other places where I’m spinning my worn wheels.

I fight off those daily thoughts now with a simple mention aloud or shake them away altogether. It offers me the peace and the understanding I need, even in my subconscious, dreamy mind. It simply does me no good to fantasize about our future, because his physical body has no place in it, and I have to accept that.

I surely hope this lasts, these tools, and that I never forget how to use them. Please give this documentary a chance, even just the first few minutes to see if you like it. Click HERE to view the trailer.

1 thought on “My Roger Maze. Day 437.”

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